This is a story where the main character is a woman on a cliff. She stands on the edge of the cliff, the wind carrying the scent of the sea hitting her face. She’s been contemplating for a long time about everything that has led her to this moment. The woman’s caught between two worlds – the past and the future. She feels like a fly trapped in a spider’s web with no hope. There, some huge dangerous predator threatens to crush her, devour her, and completely erase her from the face of the earth. That predator is none other than her own mind.
She always thought she was strong and resilient, but now she has to make a decision that will change everything. While standing on the cliff, gazing into the endless ocean, she can’t help but remember herself when she was a child. How carefree she was back then! No problems, no toxic thoughts… just happiness and simple little joys. It’s been a while since she felt so carefree.
But she’s not alone in this world. There are people who depend on her. They are connected to her, and her decisions affect them too. Can she allow herself to be so selfish? Has she ever thought only of herself in her life? Maybe just this one time…
This is the moment of truth. The woman on a cliff must decide what comes next.
If she jumps, all problems will disappear. The earth will keep spinning, with or without her. The children will grow up. Her husband will find someone else. Is she truly needed in this world?
She contemplates a text she once read. Ikigai. When you find your purpose in life, it gives you a reason to live. But she doesn’t know what her purpose is! Besides being a daughter, granddaughter, wife, and mother, what else can she offer to this world?
She remembers another Japanese phrase and its meaning. Was it sabi wabi or something? Or was it something else? At the same time, we are so insignificant in this world, yet also very significant. Even a small butterfly, when it flutters its wings, changes the climate on another continent. It sounds illogical, but it’s true. A small thing can change the entire world. Yet, there are butterflies that no one ever knows or sees. If she jumps, will she change the climate? What will happen to the world when she does that?
She doesn’t know what will happen to the world, but she knows she hasn’t prepared lunch, and the children will be home from school soon. Her husband is also returning from work. She has to take care of them. They will be very hungry.
There’s no more time to think about what happens if she jumps.
Some women can’t afford to jump. And that’s so easy, isn’t it? Come on, be strong and keep on living even when it’s tough! Push through, fight, gather strength… No, she can’t think about it anymore. What will her parents do, how will this affect the people who want her to be in this world? Someone chose for her to live! Someone thought about it, someone really wanted her to be a part of their life. Several people choose that every day – to be in her life, for her to be in theirs.
She remembers an article she once read, one that she often recalls. A typical person occasionally thinks about ending it all. It’s not a problem if it crosses your mind sometimes. It happens to all of us. The problem is if you surrender to that grayness and the feeling that everything is hopeless, unsolvable, empty, and desperate.
She’s heading home to make lunch. Perhaps it’s enough to just be a daughter, granddaughter, wife, and mother. Perhaps it’s enough to just be a woman on a cliff. Will it be gnocchi with chicken today? There’s enough gnocchi left, but she needs to stop by for chicken and maybe a few more ingredients. She’ll make a sauce with four types of cheese. Cooking calms her. Thank God, she kept the psychologist’s number. She’ll start therapy, and invest those 120 euros monthly in herself. For the children, the husband, the parents… Because she’s not only insignificant in this world… After all, when the coin flips, she’s very important! ❤️
